The Presidential Debate

The next few comments are all my attempt at “live blogging” during the presidential debate tonight. Except when I wasn’t yelling at my television screen I was trying to write. You can tell I was yelling quite a bit.

9:17 PM: Watching the debate…I don’t feel so hot. Our man is a broken record. Tora Bora again? There’s got to be more you can criticize Bush for during the war…

9:19 PM: So Bush is working with Canada to see if they’ve got a flu vaccine they can share? What about their killer drugs?

9:24 PM: The president just “whewed” in a falsetto. Man, that rocks. Did the bulge in his back tell him to do that?

9:30 PM: Let’s amend the constitution. Yeah! Give the citizenshry the power! Bush doesn’t want the courts to define marriage. So he’s going to do it for them.

9:36 PM: The horse and buggy days were BAD. I’m glad I know where Bush stands on that issue.

9:56 PM: “Border Governor”–I think Bush is talking about Texas, but I’m not really sure. Bush pantomines an illegal immigrant carrying a “card.” I would’ve thought he and Ashcroft would have preferred ID chip implants. Kerry says our borders are LEAKING. Could we sink? Should I buy flood insurance? Who do I sue? Uh-oh: Kerry’s the biometric fan.

10:11 PM: Kerry hunts. But wait, I thought he was French.

10:18 PM: Bush: You can worship the ALMIGHTY, but if you don’t want to, fine. It just means you’re not as good as me. And you’re going to rot. In the ALMIGHTY’s hell. Bush: God wants everybody to be free. Little did you know that God is actually a co-writer of the seventies feel-good show, Free to be You and Me.

10:26 PM: Bush met his wife at a barbeque in Texas. It’s like The Last Pictureshow in Texas all over again, but not.